Randy Moss, that Vikings curmudgeon, is going to be fined. Normally, the schadenfreudic in me would take delight at this bully-gets-his-lunch-money-stolen story. But look at his alleged crime: pretending to moon fans! Even if he had mooned those Cheese Wizzes, woudl that have been so bad? You're allowed to show asses on ABC (though not the oldest network *cough*CBS*cough* ABC is the most disney, and hence representative of red state family values as well as blue state proclivities for dressing up), even when they're Dennis Franz. If you can get away with it on broadcast tv in the days of Herr Powell, you know that you're offending no more than 3 people and a dachsund with the FCC complaint line on speed dial. (he barks a tough but fair rant)
But Randy Moss, I'd like to highlight, mooned no one. He was merely informing the audience that he had a posterior, which was, in fact, covered. This is like someone going to jail for saying, "there are terrorists", which doesn't happen until Gonzales is sworn in as Attorney General.
My biggest fear in life is that our reality will devolve into a Monty Python sketch. And so I can just imagine a defendant (true fact: John Cleese studied law at Cambridge, and in a giant Fuck You to everything British then wasted it by appearing in Charlie's Angels 2) in a poorly-staged court. The solicitor (they wear wigs. Haha! Wigs! And are actually willing to identify themselves as Tories!) asks him what happened, and as soon as he explains that the defendent held the gun, just so, constables (what do you need those stupid hats for? to hide your stupid wigs? stupid) rush in and arrest him. And at his crime, his accuser does the same, and so on, until we are all in prison for the awful crime of knowing crime. Punishment for Original Sin, rendered unto Caesar.
-D"I expect the Spanish Inquisition"an
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