Let it Snow, Let it Snow

Leave the shower running, throw open the faucets. Precipitate as it may, I will not be stopped.

No, I'm not a postal worker (though I am a Postal Service fan). I blush at the thought of going out in the rain and I'm stopped dead in my tracks by torrential downpours. But even try as he might, it took Our Father Above forty days and forty nights to flood the Earth to the tippy tops of mountains.

And, today, there are only 38 days left until I receive my diplomae. So do what you will, there will still be an Earth when I go to granulate, no matter what precipitation may come.

Even if it is the first Himalayan Commencement.

-D"Fuck you, Water Cycle"an

Vestigial Keycaps

Do you now or have you ever actually used the Caps Lock key? I mean for a use other than calling someone an assface, such as, "THAT'S SO FUNNY LOLOLOLMAOTIPROLOL !!!11!1!!ONE"? No, you haven't.

And while I go about more than doubling my current draft for Freshman Writing (yes, I'm in Fresman Writing) in the two hours before class, you should start a petition. We got rid of those superflous ivory keys on pianos, what nobler next cause could there be than getting rid of the one button in my life that can suck the charm out of an eloquent or elegant sentence?

The Essay the Blog was born to write

Despite its less-than-printable name, this essay is the best I've read in years. Move over Mencken, sit down Sedaris. There's a new kid in town. Observe the use of an interlocutor to draw out the author's true belief system. Note how the belief system is representative of the vast hordes of the mildly liberal who felt so disenfranchised after last November. Consider the obscene nature of it, but, hey, that's the internet.

http://ifuckedanncoulterintheasshard.blogspot.com

-Dan