Devils in a Blue Dress -- First Scene

Apologies for absence. Here is scene from my first play that could maybe be about love. Because you can be a funny hack just writing jokes all your life, but still a hack.

Persons:

• Guy
  
• Girl
  
  
  
  • Girl.
    
  • Drunk.
    
  • Needs-to-be-popular.
    
  • Needy.
    
  • Motherly.
    
  • Horny.
    
  • Unexplained Coldness.
    
  • Worldly ambitions.
    
  
  
• Randall. Guy's best friend.
  
• Plot Device Girl: A highly developed character
  

(A note of explanation: The girl is not just 8 facets, but 8 actresses. The physical body of the girl is represented by, surprise, a blue dress. And whichever one is wearing the dress is the personality you might see in the girl at that moment. Ideally, the actresses who were not in the dress would be naked, to expose their vulnerability, ephemerality, and boobies. But, let's face it, I'll never find 8 of those, so let's say they're wearing matching bra/panty sets.)

Scene 1: A party. Debauchery all around. Music blaring. Between each mini-scene, scenelet, scenette the lights fall for about 5 seconds.

Scene 1a:

Randall: Isn't this awesome?

Guy: What?

Randall: What?

Guy: (getting louder to be heard) This is too loud. I can't even hear myself being sexually frustrated.

Randall: What?

Guy: I can't even hear (music cuts out. Room is silent) myself being sexually frustrated.

Randall: The sudden silence. Tough break kid.

Guy: I could have stopped early, but then everyone would have just heard "myself being sex".

Randall: Lesser of two evils. Quite. See you at home?

Guy: When will you be home?

Randall: (getting pulled off by a girl) If I'm not home by Tuesday, wait till Thursday.

Scene 1b:

(picks up right after introductions)

Girl: Nice to meet you, too.

Guy: Nice dress.

Girl: Thanks. (tagged-by Popular)

Popular: Where do you live?

Guy: (shaking head) Oh no.

Popular: What?

Guy: Where do I live, what am I taking, where am I from, what am I majoring in, no, not going to do it. I've done it too much for one lifetime.

Popular: OK, then I guess I'm not sure what to--

Guy: Kill one: puppy or kitten.

Popular: What? (tagged by Girl)

Guy: Fine. Falling off a cliff, one on each side, kitten and puppy, you can only get to one in time, which do you save? See, far less moral culpability.

Girl: Are you always like this?

Guy: Only when I have to be.

Girl: Kitten. Cuter. Cuddlier. Intelligent enough to actually be your companion. You?

Guy: Puppy. And here's why: If the situation were reversed, and it was you on one side of the cliff, puppy on the other, the kitten would just sit there, batting its eyelashes. The puppy would at least come over and try to play as you fell to your death.

Plot Device Girl: (to girl, who's getting replaced by Popular) C'mon, let's go, Cindy and Jake are totally about to hook up. You should come with us.

Popular: OK, I'm sorry, I've got to go--

Guy: (to girl) I'll see you later, don't worry. (to Popular) Nice to meet you, too.

(mini-scene)

scene 1c:

Drunk: (stumbles upon him, as he's talking to others, who are also happy to talk without him, so it's all on the DL) You! I know you!

Guy: Yes you do.

Drunk: Do you remember me?

Guy: Yes.

Drunk: So you remember me?

Guy: Yes.

Drunk: You re--

Guy: Are you drunk? (puts his arm around her)

Drunk: And a little stoned.

Guy: Congratu--

Drunk: I love weed.

Guy: And I'm sure it loves you.

Drunk: We met. Do you remember me?

Guy: (holding and talking sense into her) I am never going to forget you. Ever. Not even a little. Not even for a minute.

Drunk: Do I know you?

(mini-scene)

scene 1d:
(Motherly is by a toilet, helping a friend puke)
Motherly: It's all right, honey. Let it all come out--

Plot Device Girl: I can't believe he thought he could-- (pukes)

Motherly: Yeah, I didn't mean talking. There we go. Let it all come out.

Guy: When last I saw you, you were the one needing taking care of.

Motherly: I'm sobererer than she. Than her.

Guy: Ah, the prodigal daughter.

Motherly: Do you even know what that means? (tagged-by Girl)

Guy: No, but on a good day I can spell it.

Girl: Why me?

Guy: That had neither a verb nor a subject, and barely an object, but you really must think that's a sentence, huh?

Girl: You seem to like me, why? You don't know me.

Guy: What was the last book you read?

Girl: The Golden Gate.

Guy: By Vikram Seth. That's why I'm interested in you.

Girl: OK. Why do I like you? (Plot Device Girl starts to puke again. Motherly takes over just in time, but doesn't put on the whole dress. Instead, she just gets her arm through the hole, and is one-handedly holding back hair while girl and guy engage in conversation)

Guy: You obviously have your hands full. You'll find out at dinner Tuesday why you're interested in me.

(scene)