The Challot

Ha! Wandering in the wasteland that is MY DOCUMENTS folder, I came across these articles I slipped under the noses of an oblivious administration in the April Fools Edition of my high school newspaper. Tell me folks, have you ever known a blogger who is so paradoxically both a smartass and dumbass?


STUDENT TOURISM TO LEBANON INCREASES 6430%
Dan Australianforbeer

Public opinion of Lebanon amongst RHS students has increased nearly seventy-fold in the past several years on the strength of a frenetic word-of-mouth campaign to encourage patronage in the war-torn Middle Eastern Nation.

"Beirut is the best! Woo-hoo!" screamed a sophomore girl who was reached for comment last Saturday night at the house of an anonymous senior whose parents were out of town. The girl’s speech was slurred and she walked with a noticeable disorientation, but even that couldn’t undercut her intense enthusiasm for Lebanon’s capital city.

"Everyone loves Beirut," remarked a prominent senior and organizer of several Beirut trips curiously referred to as ‘tournaments’. "After a hard week’s work you just want to unwind with your friends and have some fun. Beirut is the best thing for that, especially if your house is empty anyway." Trips to the Arab nation, located directly north of the troubled Israeli-Palestinian region, are sometimes planned and carried out with only a few hours notice, but some can last all night. "You don’t stop till you drop," claimed another RHS senior.

Many past and present tourists agree that all one needs to have fun in Beirut is several large plastic cups and a ping-pong ball. "Just don’t drink the Beirut water," one warned. "That’s just nasty."

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ADMINISTRATION CENSORS ACTING LIKE A BUNCH OF [CENSORED] AGAIN
Smoove D

In the latest case of the incredible [censored] down in the [censored] department exerting their [censored]-like power over the ranks of RHS students, Administration officials have forbidden an article titled "[Censored] gerbils: A tale of [censored], [censored] and candlelit dinners" from running in the spring issue of The Yak.

When asked what he thinks about the re-[censored]-diculous censorship, Executive Editor Dan Foster responded, "I think it’s a bunch of [censored]ing bull[censored]." He went on to add vehemently, "If I had just one [censored] I’d grab them by their [censored] [censored] and drag them down to the nearest [censored] so I could [censored] them to the [censored] with their own [censored]. Then I’d really get angry."

This sanction is just the latest in the months long campaign of censorship by the [censored]faced administration. One senior official, clearly seen to be wearing a frilly [censored] beneath his three-piece suit, stated that the administration’s intentions are simply "to create a cleaner, more decent student-[censored] and a better learning environment." Also deemed indecent by the higher-ups was the AP Biology unit titled "The Descent of [censored] sapiens and How Man Came to Stand [censored]."

A group of students protested outside the office of one senior official, who’s home is reportedly heated by a stack of burning books, but their demands went unheard as a swarm of censors flanked them on all sides with Parental Advisory stickers.


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