As I was watching television tonight, oh gentle reader, my roommate was sucking at the TiVo game, and so we revisited the long-forgotten world of commercials. One captured my attention. A series of black screens, each with simple white text. One read "I only drink on weekends." Another "I only take them for pain." "If you had my problems, you'd drink too." I was captivated!
And then, just when they had me hooked, bam. It was just some superfluous rehab clinic. Look, if you can still speak coherent excuses, how much help can you really need? No, these proclamations had so much more potential. That is, alcohol has left about half of their marketing opportunities on the table. Blonde bombshells and sports events are not their only market. This may sound overly holistic, but... if you think it's a reason to drink, it is.
Again, my humble suggestions for how to take advantage of darker motivations, for fun and profit!
Bud Light: Cause she's not coming back.
Hummer: For when it's "a good size."
Orphaned Puppies: Halfway to philanthropy.
Sony TV's and Playstations: If people come to your room to watch the game, it must be cause you're friends!
Tower Records: With our sales associates, no personal taste is actually required.
Kerry Edwards 2004: Without Roe V. Wade, do you still think she'll want to?
Oh, and in the spirit of attempting to connect with the proletarian tradition of blogging, allow me to say:
song of the moment: Koka Kola
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