Devils in a Blue Dress -- Third Scene

(as continued from the first scene and the second scene)

(scene 3)

(setting: Guy's room. Desk with computers. Nightstand. The one prop that takes work is the bed: It's on a hinge, so while it's often the horizontal that we've all come to know and love in our slumber, it can be lifted to vertical, so that the actors can be lying down, but still visible)

(Guy is asleep in bed. Bed is vertical. Knock on door.)

Guy: (sleepily, waking up) Huh, yeah, who's there? (begins to get out of bed, with the bed tilting back down to horizontal as he gets up)

Needy: (from outside door) Me. (opens door, enters) Hi.

Guy: (bolts up, more awake because it's her) Hey you...

Needy: Did I wake you up? Oh, I should just go...

Guy: No, no. What time is it?

Needy: (looks at watch) 3:12.

Guy: Yes, you did. But, I'm up no--

Needy: (she rushes up and hugs him)

Guy: You're all wet.

Needy: I walked home from the party. (looks at desk she just passed) Oh, I'm sorry, I forgot, you're a computer person, you don't like water.

Guy: No, the computers don't like water, we computer people are afraid of sunlight.

Needy: I'm so sorry, I didn't mean to break any--

Guy: What's up?

Needy: It's raining outside.

Guy: I can tell, let's get you some clothes. (look at boxer-ed self) me too.

Needy: So, I was at Alpha Rho's Flapper Party, and, well, I think they were mixing the drinks a little strong. (tagged-by Drunk)

Drunk: I'm drunk.

Guy: Drunk I can deal with. Here, let's get you some water. (sit on the bed, which stays horizontal)

Drunk: I drank a lot.

Guy: I don't doubt that for a second.

Drunk: And I didn't boot that much.

Guy: I-- I wasn't going to ask. Can I do anything for that?

Drunk: I'm good now.

Guy: (aside) wash sheets tomorrow, check.

Drunk: And I can't believe I told Brian! Oh my god, how could I have told Brian?

Guy: Told Brian what?

Drunk: I told Brian... the same thing I told Tony. And Jessica. And that girl from my chemistry section. Y'know, the one who's always chewing bubble gum.

Guy: No, I don't. I'm not in your chemistry section. What did you tell them?

Drunk: I can't tell you, too! I already told too many people tonight.

Guy: OK.

Drunk: I'm drunk. And tired.

Guy: Me too.

Drunk: I should sleep.

Guy: Oh, well, hey, listen, you can take the bed and I'll--

Drunk: (pulls him down with her, arm around him) This is really nice.

Guy: OK. (bed turns to vertical as he says this) Well, this isn't how I would have written the night, but...

Drunk: Ah! (tagged-by Ambitious)

Ambitious: Shit shit shit shit shit. (she jumps out of bed right as Drunk was settling down, this is represented by the bed falling back to horizontal, as Ambitious gets up, but Guy isn't prepared for this in either the physical or emotional sense, so he falls with the bad)

Guy: (getting up, again) Wait, what?

Ambitious: I have to talk to my writing tutor.

Guy: What, now?

Ambitious: I have a paper due on Monday, and it needs to be good. I'm going to spend all tomorrow working on it, it's a really good idea, but I need to know what to do--

Guy: It's (looks) 3:16 in the morning.

Ambitious: Well, how about I just call her cell phone number, and if she picks up, we can talk.

Guy: Because if she picks up and you talk, you'll still be drunk.

Ambitious: I can text message her! That will show devotion.

Guy: Drunk text messaging is the only idea worse than drunk dialing, especially to a writing tutor. It's a medium that could make even Jincy Willett's mediocre, with all those misspellings and elided words.

Ambitious: Who? (tagged-by Needy)

Guy: Shakespeare, I couldn't have said Shakespeare?

Needy: I shouldn’t call her.

Guy: No.

Needy: Then I don't know what to do.

Guy: There's nothing to do.

Needy: But after what I said.

Guy: Well, I guess I don't know that. You sure you don't want to--

Needy: No.

Guy: OK. Well, you probably don't want to have to walk home out there, but I'm not sure what I can do if you want to talk about it, but you won't tell me.

Needy: Can I just lie here? I'll leave as soon as you fall asleep, I promise--

Guy: (struck) Sure. (they climb back into bed until it goes vertical)

Guy: Good night.

Girl: (replaces Needy after he says that) I told them about my breast reduction.

Guy: Oh.

Girl: I had a breast reduction surgery in high school.

Guy: I mean, is that really so bad? Why don't you want people to know?

Girl: For the same reason I didn't want the breasts: it makes me stand out and feel uncomfortable.

Guy: Oh, I'm sorry.

Girl: No, it's all right. I'm, I'm feeling all right talking about it to you. I was just showing everyone my boobs and asking them if they thought the doctors did as good a job as I did.

Guy: You were showing everyone your boobs and you were feeling odd because you told them you had a surgery?

Girl: Oh whatever. Who hasn't seen tits, y'know? But I was just pandering for approbation.

Guy: Well, if it helps at all, I definitely think your boobs are small. (fumbles, bumbles) smaller! But still, you know, a nice size.

Girl: (laughs)

Guy: That wasn't the right thing to say.

Girl: No. How would you like it if I told you it was a... nice size?

Guy: I'm sorry, I'm so sorry.

Girl: No, it's all right. You may not have said the right thing, but you said it the right way.

Guy: OK, I'm not sure I know what you mean--

Girl: Hey, weren't you trying to sleep?

Guy: Oh, yeah. (falls silent)

Girl: (after a time, kisses him)

Guy: Oh.

Girl: Yeah.

Guy: Look, I dunno how this is going to go. We had, like, a date.

Girl: And it went horribly. But-- (they start hooking up more. Her dress comes off)
you're going to enjoy this. (is tagged-by Horny. Horny is handed the dress and starts to put it on, but then thinks, "why bother", and throws it to the side)

(they begin foreplay as lights fade)

(scene 3a, the next morning)

(in bed, Guy and Unexplained Coldness)

Guy: Good morning!

Unexplained Coldness: Uh, good morning.

Guy: Look, I'm going to be honest with you.

Unexplained Coldness: OK, great.

Guy: When I woke up, I thought that maybe, I dunno, it would be easiest if we just put our clothes on underneath the covers and called it a night.

Unexplained Coldness: Can't say I'm--

Guy: And then I realized last night was too wonderful. I'm sorry that whatever happened to you, and it will be fine, but this, us, this is what we wait for. We're going to find a city and we're going to walk around a shopping district and hold hands and I'm going to buy you things. And I don't care if you have morning-after awkwardness or indecent indifference or even beer goggle regret. I'm going to make you as happy to wake up next to me as I was to wake up next to you.

But first, breakfast. I'm going to squeeze the brightest oranges trees can make. I'm going to find you as many eggs as you want. Or, no, just, one ostrich egg. Or if you like cold cereal, the largest box of Honey Bunches with Oats there's ever been. Just speak the words. So, what's for breakfast?

Girl: (replacing Unexplained Coldness) Come here and I'll tell you. (he leans in, she kisses him tenderly) me. (is replaced by Horny, who throws the dress to the other side of the room)

(scene)